Approach To Particular Issues

Grief

I see grief as fraying or cutting one of the cords of belonging. We all live in a web of connections that give us a sense of place and meaning.

I see grief as fraying or cutting one of the cords of belonging. We all live in a web of connections that give us a sense of place and meaning. In the event of death or betrayal or significant shaming or loss we lose the ordinary ground under our feet.

All grief involves a break in connection from something meaningful to us, either a person or place or object that we connect with. The resolution of grief involves being brought back into connection so that we can allow the feeling that we have ; anger , sadness and depression in particular, to come out and find expression. We have to feel safe to do this and good therapy can assist in this creation of safety and expression and a return to a changed and differently solid ground. If grieving is put aside for too long then it becomes hard to invest in the new and to get on with life.

Major Life Transitions

There are numerous events we can experience that can be seen as life transitions.

They include the movement from childhood to adolescence and into adulthood. Falling in love. Choosing a vocation or career. Changing careers or lifestyle. Death or illness of a loved one or being faced with ones own mortality. Moving to a new culture. Relocation to a new community. There are more but what they have in common is the need of some form of rite of passage and some support as witness to our changed state and to make us welcome in the new state we find ourselves in. Therapy can help both provide us with a clearer recognition of what we have a right to hope for and expect and a continuity of care while we are moving from one way of being in the world to another. There is always a continuity that accompanies change and we can benefit from support to take the best of who we are from our past to have it support us into the future.

Relationship Upheavals

Most of us go into relationships whether they are romantic or professional or personal with a sense of goodwill and hope that we will grow and our be enhanced in our life through the new connection.

Romantic love generally involves a lot of enthusiasm and trust in our elevated feelings so that we are more trusting of what we feel and like to see in the beloved rather than being watchful and logical about gathering information about them. In a nutshell we are looking to live largely through joy and sexual desire and there is a good deal of blurring of boundaries and that is quite natural.

Couples therapy or even individual therapy can be really valuable to help both parties set clear boundaries and establish legitimate differences and to learn to work through disruptions of connection quickly. Once anger and the right to be sad or hurt come into the mix in a healthy way then the relationship is on the way to becoming solid and long lasting.

Addiction

I see addictions to either a substance or a behaviour as a way of coping with an earlier wound or a lack of early care.

I see addictions to either a substance or a behaviour as a way of coping with an earlier wound or a lack of early care. There can be physical and mental predispositions to certain addictions as well. Addiction is a form of self medication and is often relied upon to help soothe us or to numb us when we are in pain or to elevate our mood and to keep sadness or fear at bay.

Whilst it is important to get sufficient support to change addictive behaviours and to understand the triggers that can lead back into addiction it is also important to attend to the earlier wounds or lack of care that preceded the addiction.